there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
