Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
