I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
And then he peed in my hair
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