he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
