I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
