I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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