it's like iHOP with fire
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
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