haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
