They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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