dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
