Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
