It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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