guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
