He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I am available for nakedness
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
