really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
