I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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