His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
