Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
How external is "for external use only"?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
