He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize