just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
