Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
