i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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