You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize