Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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