East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he just fucked me for my cheese.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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