They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
