Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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