Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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