Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
