They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
