The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
