I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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