They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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