I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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