hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
