my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
