he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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