you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
