I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
