Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My liver just broke up with me...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
