she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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