I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
