I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
