He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize