do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
