so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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