And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
