Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
dude. I can hear the air.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
