the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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