i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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