So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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