If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
