i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im holly from the hills drunk
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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