we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
