To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
