i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This is the high leading the old right now
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
