How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
