Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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