Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
