my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize