Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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