Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
