i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
