what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
