im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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