Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
