Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
