i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
