Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
