There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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