Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
