I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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