hotel room ftw
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There are leaves in my underwear?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
