Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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