do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
