can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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