I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize